I don't know your loved ones, so I can't tell you what to get them for the holidays. One person may rave about a new set of knitting needles, while I'd just wonder why you got me a pair of sharp chopsticks. I'm not going to tell you what is the perfect gift for your special someone, because I'll likely be wrong.
But I will tell you some gifts that you might want to avoid this holiday season if you want to keep relationships healthy.
1. The Black Plague (sure, it was all the rage in Europe, but that was so long ago -- times change)
2. An eviction notice
3. Mike Tyson's Greatest Hits -- personally delivered by Tyson via his fists
4. A gremlin
5. A floppy disk drive
6. A stuffed puppy -- an actual puppy. . . stuffed
7. An all-inclusive weekend getaway at Guantanamo Bay
8. Pauly Shore
9. Reusable toilet paper
10. A year subscription to "Things I Find Between My Feet Monthly"
11. 40 year old cursed Twinkie
12. Yak fat
13. Nude Playing Cards -- of Carrot Top
15. Socks -- freshly used during a marathon run
16. Elephant Man rides
17. Collector’s Edition DVD of "The Dick Cheney & Friends Comedy Hour"
19. A homemade coupon giving the recipient the right for one full day to do chores at your house
20. A "Sheryl Crow Covers Sheryl Crow" Album
21. This list