Monday, May 31, 2010

It Is Only A Matter Of Time

Hollywood has had a long history of taking best selling novels and turning them into film. Sometimes it has been a huge block buster success such as Jurassic Park or Lord of the Rings, and other times it has had the opposite effect such as Skipping Christmas (Christmas With The Kranks) or Starship Troopers. No matter the number of failures compared to successes, Hollywood has continued to turn to the stories that have been financial successes in novel form, and have attempted to make them cinematic masterpieces (or at least something that gets people to shill out for popcorn and 3D glasses). No matter how you feel about Hollywood's inclination to rip-off (no wait, I meant adapt) tales from novels (or books), you have to accept the fact that it will always happen, because it has been the habit of Hollywood ever since someone got the idea to project pretty moving pictures on to a big screen.

Instead of fighting it, we need to accept it. It could at least be fun guessing what could be the next bestselling book that is transformed into a film (well, not literally -- or at least, not until Transformers 3: Michael Wants Another Yacht). I started reflecting upon all the huge best sellers that have been adapted to the silver screen, and was shocked to find one massive best selling book that has never been attempted by anyone. I don't think it has even been optioned yet by a major studio. But it will. It is inevitable. I'm sure we will all soon be seeing trailers for the big film adaption of. . .



I am personally looking forward to seeing who they will cast for the role of Jebediah. I hope it is that Colin Ferrell, because he is just a delight.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

A Contest With An Orc, A Clown Sweater, And A Flying Unicorn Kitten

You may read that title and say to yourself, "This is proof that Christopher Spicer is a weird one." I respond to that, "You're right, but this above title wasn't inspired by my own thoughts of insanity." Oh no, they from a rather awesome picture, a picture that is the basis for a rather cool writing contest. The awesomeness that is the picture, and the details of this just as awesome contest can be found here.

See! Didn't I tell you that picture is the real definition of awesome. Oh, I think I hear you mumbling about my weirdness again.

Speaking of weird and awesome, I spent the day at my parents with them and my siblings (along with Summit and Emily). It was a fantastic time of chicken devouring, zipper doodling, murder mysterying, chit chatting, and Farrah Fawcett. Basically, all the prerequisites of family fun and revelry. But now the day is done, but I hope yours was fun.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

'Whatcha Talking About, Willis?'

Gary Coleman passed away on Friday at the age of 42. I probably haven't allowed Coleman to enter my daily thoughts for about 20 years now, but when I was kid, I thought "Diff'rent Strokes" was awesomeness in television form. When I was a little squirt, I would be quoting Arnold (Coleman's character) all day long, because nothing was cooler than a white kid from a rural town impersonating an inner city black kid (hey, it worked for Vanilla Ice for a year or so). I can definitely say that Gary Coleman was one of my favourites when I was still aging in the single digits. Even if things got a little uglier for him after that show, and he never acquired that kind of fame again, I will always have fond memories of his lovable character from "Diff'rent Strokes." Rest In Peace, Gary, I will choose to remember the good times, and I send my best to all the family and friends who had a much deeper relationship with him.

It was one of those days that I found myself very far from a computer. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, because it means I did real world stuff for a change. It does mean I didn't get around to much of a blog, though. My Saturday was a good one, and I hope most of you can say the same.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Not Quite How I Remember 'Enter Sandman'

It is finally the end of the week, and you worked hard, thus it is time to just chill out, man. Who is better to chillax to than Metallica?



I am sure some of you have already stumbled upon this little gem on YouTube. I think, it is pretty cool and still wanted to share for those who don't spend their time scouring for rare videos(plus it's late and I wanted to cop out of having to write too many of those word things). I am quite impressed how well a jazz version of this song actually works, because Metallica is definitely grooving and soothing here.

The fellow who composed this remix has actually done it with several other songs too, and you can check out his YouTube channel here.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Looking At Itsy Bitsy Spider In A Whole New Way

I found myself sitting here and asking myself, 'Self, why would the Itsy Bitsy Spider be climbing the spout during a rainy day?' We all know the results of the spider on that fateful afternoon, he was washed out of the spout. Now luckily he survived this ordeal, and returned when the sun dried things up. We can assume the spider then went on to have a wonderful time in that waterless spout. But the deeper and more disturbing question is why did he brave the spout under such harsh conditions. Well, I have a theory, which is largely assisted by another age ol' children's rhyme (some may even call it a Nursery Rhyme).

I believe our good friend the itsy bitsy spider was attempting to commite suicide. I know, I know, this is a rather heavy claim to make, but as I previously stated, I feel I have some evidence to support it.

You see, it all started several months before when the spider saw a beautiful young girl. A young girl that he simply wanted to get to know a little better. The spider was the shy sort, and so he took his time. He would see her go over to her tuffet every day, and enjoy a heaping bowl of curds and whey. Each time he would try to talk himself up. so that he could go over and meet her. He wasn't looking to date her or anything incredibly intimate, but just for the chance to get to know her. He eventually asked his friend the spoon (who was rather preoccupied himself with a rather lovely dish)for the name of the girl, which is when he learned she was Little Miss Muffet. Despite the fact she owned one of the oddest first names that wasn't chosen by a celebrity for their child (I'm looking at you Nicholas Cage or Penn Teller or David Duchovny or. . . ah forget it, there is too many of you), the spider decided he would introduce himself and hopefuly, go out for a coffee or fly blood (he'd let her choose).

We all know what really happened. This poor spider who spent weeks and weeks trying to get enough courage to meet this girl, and just wanted to get to know her, was forced to suffer a huge moment of emberassment. How would you feel if you went out of your way to greet someone (maybe even person you had a slight crush on) and they responded by running away and screaming at the top of their lungs? I am not saying that I had the best luck with the ladies in high school, but I can proudly say that my asking them out never led to running and screaming. This poor fellow had to be crushed (not literally though, he got out of the way of her rampaging down the sidewalk).

This had to be a massive blow to his already small ego (I mean, how big of a ego could fit into his one centimetre frame?). It undoubtedly caused him to spiral into massive bouts of depression. Ultimately, he saw the water spout, and a potentially rainy day, as his way to end the pain.

As we all know, the sun was looking out for our itsy bitsy spider. He made sure that water went away. The spider ended up surviving that day. He eventually moved past that depressing and soul crushing day with Little. He then eventually started up his own family, and moved near a factory that dealt with radioactive material (a natural place for spiders). His life was enjoyable and rather uneventful. Well, except for that day when he was mouthed off at by a punk named Peter Parker.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Now, For Something Totally Random. . .

But seriously, we all know it isn't really a Wednesday unless you have a 'Dancing Batista.'



You're welcome.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Sigh. . . A Head-Exploding, Religious Propaganda Piece Disguised As A Funny Internet Meme

Today, I came across an image/writing that caused me to shake my head so furiously that it almost launched from my body, and also caused my blood to boil to the point I could sizzle bacon on my lap. I don't want to cause this site to become any more mind numbing than it already is, so I'll refer you to a link rather than post the image here. Now it is extremely late, so I am going to keep this rant to the bare minimum. I've never ever seen any definition for atheist that has come even close to that, and I understand it was meant to be humorous, but it is a textbook example of completely missing the point. This little meme isn't describing any fundamental necessities for being an atheist, but rather seems to be a shot at abiogenesisists or big bang theorists (and of course, the always necessary jab at evolutionary biologist). It should be noted that a person can be one of the above but none of the others. Actually, a Christian -- who probably wouldn't call themselves an atheist by the modern accepted definition -- can also be a version of any of the above terms (except atheist, as I already just explained).

Once again, it is an example of a certain group that feels the irresistible need to attack an issue that doesn't even need to be attacked. It is a demonstration of specific people that need to describe an entire group of people in a completely fallacious fashion in order to make them look bad. It gets a little tiring having to watch both sides throw completely vindictive (and even worse, unfounded) pot shots at the apparent opposition. You'll have a few atheists painting all Christians or other religious groups as ignorant and fear mongering and intolerant, when the reality is it is only a very small minority of vocal fundamentalist radicals. Then on the other side, you have the originally mentioned piece of propaganda, which is just as erroneous and unfair, especially since lot of the things described don't necessarily even connect or relate.

There seems to be this vicious, hate-filled desire to create people of differing views into the enemy. Of course, all this does is create an endless cycle of needless bitterness and friction. This unnecessary battle distracts all groups of the greater purposes such as promoting love and helping the needy. The bigger problem is, pieces of propaganda like this serve no purpose other than to infuriate one group and allow another to laugh at the previously mentioned group's expense. Of course the real kicker is when you look around at the sites that host an image like this, you find comments like, 'Satan's minions doing his evil work' or 'fools destined for eternal damnation', which shows the hate filled bile this stuff fuels.

The unfortunate thing is this will never lead to any type productive or enriching dialogue between these groups, but rather just stir up more rage that leads to completely IQ reducing 'debates' (i.e. insult exchanges). The goal should be understanding, and a promotion of community despite differing views rather than inciting unnecessary tension. As stated before, if some would actually do historical research or be open to hearing the other side, they would find out a lot of the current debate is relatively new (this past century), and at one time things like science and religion lived relatively harmoniously together. As I previously mentioned in past posts, belief of certain components of science do not automatically make one an atheist or religious (thus why the above meme is so infuriatingly pointless).

I've now spent way more time on this tonight than I planned. I definitely want to compose a more in-depth post on this topic in the future.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Wonderful Long Weekend, Now I'm Ready For A Break

Explosions. Meat. Beer. Flowers. Does one need anything else for a wonderful long weekend. Maybe, because these kind of things are preference oriented. But my weekend was rather fine and dandy, because not only did we finally set-up the garden but I got to spend the evening with wonderful friends. What do a group of friends do on a Victoria Day? Well, they watch things explode in the sky. And explode they did. But now, the fireworks have ended, and my fuse is burnt out. So, I am calling it a night, but I'll be here Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel. Or at least, at some point in the next 24 hours, give or take.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Stephen King Bashes 'Literary Snobs', and I Approve

The idea of there being a major divide between 'serious' literature and popular fiction, is something I want to address with some depth in a future post. For now, I want to showcase a clip where Stephen King presents his thoughts on the issue, and they are essentially mine as well. As someone who has been investing a lot of time looking at different magazines, anthology groups, contest sites and publishers, I can definitely say a select groups believe there is a stigma among those who write popular fiction, or especially write genre fiction like romance, science fiction, fantasy, horror, mystery or so on. There is a belief that those genres are a lesser fiction, and don't serve the greater purpose that apparent 'serious' literature can achieve. I remember in high school, my teacher saying we could select an author, and choose three of the author's books to do an in-depth study on. She listed a long group of authors that could not be selected, because there work was not fit of proper analysis. As you can guess, it was mainly genre or popular fiction authors, which I remember at the time thinking was rather elitist. I ended up doing a study on F. Scott Fitzgerald, with one of his books being 'The Great Gatsby'. Now, I want to make it clear that I absolutely love that book, but at the same time, the book really is just a huge piece of literary soap opera. It is studied among the scholars because of who wrote it. I would argue that Stephen King's 'Needful Things' is a far deeper novel, but since he is pegged a horror/popular fiction writer, then his works aren't worthy of such priviledge.

Anyway, I will save further thoughts for when it isn't far past my bed time. For now, I will present Stephen King and let you know, I share his views almost exactly.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

30 Years of Ghost Gobbling

Happy Birthday Pac-Man. I'd offer you cake but I'm pretty sure you'd prefer one of those sweet, delicious, white pellets.

It is pretty wild to imagine that such a simple game and concept is probably the most iconic video game character, which almost anyone in North America would know (and I'm sure a decent amount of folks from of other parts of the world too). The game was initially released exactly 30 years ago (May 22, 1980) by a Japanese company called Namco Bandai. An interesting fact is the game was originally entitled 'Puck-Man' due to his shape being similar to that of a hockey puck (plus everyone knows a hockey puck is yellow). But apparently, North Americans don't like the idea of a hockey puck that consumes pellets and ghosts, thus the name was very unpopular. This lead to a name that essentially has no meaning, Pac-Man.

Even by early 80s standards, Pac-Man had to be considered a fairly simple game (well, not if you compared it with Pong), yet it was one of the biggest hits of its time. It was such a huge hit that at 30 years, everyone knows what I am talking about when mentioning Pac-Man. Pac-Man's heyday was during a time in my life that I thought using the potty was a massive success, so I didn't find myself popping too many quarters into a machine. By the time I did find myself heading out to the arcades, there was flashier and prettier games to catch my attention, but I definitely knew who Pac-Man was(and I'm sure even spent a quarter or two on him). Of course, Pac-Man wasn't single his entire life and pretty soon after his inception was blessed with his lovely bride, Ms. Pac-Man. Of course, this game wasn't much more than Pac-Man with a bow, but this game was still a huge hit among the arcade crowd.

By the time video games started to shift from arcades and move into the home system market, Pac-Man wasn't the same massive hit. He had been replaced by someone by the name of Super Mario. Even though he may not have been the king any longer, I do know that different versions of Pac-Man have continually been made for probably every single video game system. At this very moment, I am sure somebody is playing our chompy, yellow friend.

But what do I remember the most about Pac-Man during my childhood? Probably this.

Friday, May 21, 2010

6 Ways To Rock The Long Weekend

Why six instead of the normal and more accepted ten? Well, in Ontario, at least, we often call this weekend May Two Four (because apparently, everything here needs to be related to beer in some form), and using my math skills acquired from Grade 1, I quickly deduced that two and four equal six. You see, I am trying to be entertaining and educational.

6. A case of beer. A group of guys. A shotgun. The deep woods. Because it isn't the long weekend until someone has lost a foot.

5. Travel. Because nothing says 'an enjoyable long weekend' more than spending 19 hours in a parked car on the highway, drastically trying to find a way to mask the decaying burger meat smell, arguing that it was the other person's job to pack the sunscreen, realizing the constant downpour may not cause much skin burnage and secretly wishing you stayed home to watch 'Friends' reruns.

4. Work. Actually, this is no way to rock a long weekend, but I thought, I needed to at least try to make the poor schmucks who work on weekends feel better. Of course, insulting them with a derogatory term is a little counter productive to that goal. Oh man, a server is totally going to be spitting in my soup now.

3. Finding buried treasure in your backyard. Unfortunately, I won't be doing that this weekend. It isn't due to the fact that I don't have buried treasure because I assuredly do (there must be a reason that Summit is obsessed with clawing up our lawn). It more has to do with the Emily enforced ban on digging holes in our property.

2. Try to win a Gary Busey look alike contest. Because if you can't impersonate Gary Busey on the long weekend, then when can you?



1. Do anything you like, but make sure you do it with those who you love. Yeah, I'm going to choose that one.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

In Honour of 'Wear Deodorant Day'

Actually, today isn't that particular holiday to my knowledge, and for most past the age of 13, you probably should wear it every day anyway. But I wanted some shabbily, constructed excuse to pop on one of the most defining songs for my early teen years. Or at least, it moved me out of my MC Hammer parachute pants (or more accurately, my desire to have a pair) and into the 'oh so' fashionable plaid shirt over the concert t-shirt. But why did I come up with an absurd day like 'Wear Deodorant Day'? Because if you don't wear it, then people might start saying it. . .



So yeah, this blog now officially plays way more music videos than both MTV and MuchMusic combined. Though this particular video was played probably about a hundred billion times during the early to mid 90s. Some may say that Nirvana was overrated or that they weren't your style, but everyone has to admit that they were one of the most significant forces to define teenage culture for a good portion of the 90s. There may have been more talented or longer lasting rock bands from the 90s, but almost all of them can credit some of their success to the path that was paved by these guys. Nirvana spawned grunge rock as a mainstream entity, which was the controlling genre for rock for most of the decade. And to be honest, I still find myself craving a little 'angsty' rock from time to time, and will have no choice but to pop in my Nevermind album. When I do that, I most definitely do some rocking out (sans plaid shirt because Emily made me throw it out).

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

How Am I Supposed To Survive The Summer Without Modern Family?

The finale of Modern Family has just aired, thus marking the end of the freshman season (and forcing me to watch reruns if I am to get my fix). Now, I can't remember if I ever posted anything on this show before (I know I planned to and even had the entire post constructed in my head, but not sure if it lost out to pictures of Summit eating a stuffed animal), but I have to say that it is undoubtedly my favourite sitcom on television right now. It is the perfect blend of outright hilarity with moments of pure sweetness. A lot of the humour is implemented by social awkwardness or the quirkiness of the family members, but then that is counterbalanced by moments of genuine sweet sentiment. In the end, it is a fairly interesting portrayal of family, because it never even gets close to being serious but it also couldn't be considered a parody of the family. For example, Phil is an absolute clown and often will say some of the silliest things that make him seem clueless, but at the same time, he is an absolutely loving father and husband who does effectively provide for them (thus he'll occasionally have moments where you do need to respect him, and you realize why Carol married him in the first place).

In the end, Modern Family's main purpose is to deliver the funny, and it easily does that week to week. It is a show that always has instantly quotable lines. They usually are often recited throughout the week in my household -- which is even funnier when delivered by Summit. The purpose of the show is not to inform or teach, but rather make you laugh really hard -- which it is always successful. But the first year was such a massive hit, that you have to wonder if it can successfully follow up on its second season. There was so many classic moments and lines, that one may worry that they've blown all their top quality stuff already. Then again, the writers have proven to be very funny and talented, and if any show can pull off an even better follow up season then I'd say it was this one. That it isn't to say, that at some point the show won't have a few missteps. Even The Office (my previous favourite sitcom) was a show that almost never failed to be awesome in its first three seasons, but struggled a little in its fourth and fifth (coincidentally, right around the time they finally got Pam and Jim together). Then again, I feel this past season of The Office has been a complete return to form, and is easily one of their best ever. Modern Family would be in pretty good shape if it not only has four very funny seasons, but was also able to remain on the air for six or more.

As for the finale, it was the typical greatness that Modern Family always provides. I loved the showcase of Carol's obsessive perfectionist personality, and how everything needed to be perfect for the picture, which actually lead to nothing going as planned. This storyline was perfectly capped off with Carol(finally happy with how things turned out) looking at the picture and realizing the entire wall the picture was on would need to be repainted -- this was perfectly complimented with Phil mumbling 'Just shoot me', as you can just imagine him thinking an entire weekend will be ruined doing something he feels is a complete waste. Along the lines of that story, I loved the scene where both Mitchell and Carol are trying to fix things they are completely incapable of doing thus leading to more damage and destruction (Carol trying to fix a step but completely destroying it, and Mitchell apparently wanting to play a game of tennis with a pigeon but instead doing an unsuccessful version of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition instead). Other great things from the episode were the following: having Luke wrapped in plastic so that he won't dirty himself before the picture; Frank telling Luke of all the famous people's hair he cut in the 60s in order to make himself seem more impressive; the Three's Company like mix up where Phil believes both Carol and Frank are furious at him for kissing Gloria on the kiss cam; and Manny being ecstatic that his weight loss program must be working since his underwear won't fit him (which actually happens to be his stepfathers).

Of course, none of those things seem as funny unless you actually watched the show. This leads to the obvious question, why aren't you watching the best comedy on television? Well, I guess that is what summer reruns are for.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Random Late Evening Ponderings

When someone who calls your house asks for C Spicer, the likelihood for a deep, meaningful and personal conversation have quickly veered into the 'damn unlikely' side of things. Especially if your name is Martin Shewchuk.

I wonder if Michael Bay writes his scripts in crayon

If someone starts a conversation with, 'This isn't a pyramid scheme' then it probably is a pyramid scheme.

You some times hear very successful and wealthy people attribute some of it to luck (or divine intervention). Isn't it interesting how luck favours self-motivated, hard working, creative individuals?

That above statement may have revoked my liberal card.

Ha, jokes on them, I lost that card while doing laundry months ago.

The other day I saw a person get on the bus, and then get dropped off at the very next stop. Do some despise the actual act of walking to such a degree that even 50 metres may risk spontaneous human combustion?

It is almost never too late to turn your life around. The one exception being if you're dead, then it is pretty much impossible.

The little things in life are really what matters, but I still want a bigger TV eventually.

And backyard.

Isn't it odd that some people can have passions or hobbies that define them, yet completely stop doing them for years and years. I wonder if that is a direct correlation with some who are unhappy or even depressed.

So, my wife brought up tonight that one of the participants on "The Biggest Loser" is now only about 5 pounds heavier than me, and he is still wanting to lose weight. This may be the only time Emily is encouraging me to misplace something.

I find it intriguing that some of the most loving and levelheaded artists, are also responsible for some of the darkest and scariest works of fiction. It goes to show, people need an outlet somewhere, and I'd rather it be in the land of make-belief.

I hope everyone has had an amazing start to their week. Be Kind, Rewind.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Deep Or Cheap?

Today, we are going to play everyone's all time favourite game. Deep or Cheap?

Here is the challenge for you, and the winner gets the priviledge of knowing they have far too much time on their hands (or otherwise known as, someone who is pretty similar to me). Does this music video have a really deep and profound message/meaning that is far too intelligent and existential for me to grasp? Or did Alanis just decide that this is basically the eighth single off her super hot album, and didn't want bother doing any more work or spending anything over 5 bucks?

Either way, I do know that if this video was done in more than one take, then it was far too many



I sort of dug this song back in high school. I think, it was partially due to the fact it was so different than all her other 'angry chick' songs. It actually wasn't about gutting her ex or providing incorrect examples for irony or spewing out toxic rage against all things with a penis. It almost seems like she is happy and in a healthy relationship. Or maybe that is just me missing the deeper message again?

It seems they sort of ran out of ideas and just told Alanis to stare at the camera, and occasionally sing along with the soundtrack or play on her harmonica a bit or give her order for lunch. But again, this may just be proof of my own un'deepness'.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Ahhh! It's A Cyclops Dog!



Oh no wait, that is just Summit. For a minute there, I thought we had just entered the apocalypse and it was the end for us all. Though if it was the end, I couldn't have asked for a much better weekend to go out on. I celebrated my Grandma's 95th and was able to see 5 living generations in the family (which is really spectacular when one decides to ponder on such things). I assisted in the formation of the brand new, backyard gazebo -- any time I even sniff in the general direction of a structure being constructed and it does not lead to outright devastation, it is a very successful accomplishment -- thus I am proud of the free standing gazebo (even if most neighbours would credit Emily for its assemblage). We got to cap off our Sunday by visiting with friends from Medeba, many of whom I haven't seen since my wedding -- which is a ridiculously long time to wait before seeing someone again.

The weekend was good. Though the best part was the fact we were not attacked by a cyclops dog.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

And Now It Is Time For Some Dessert

More specifically, cherry pie.



What can I say, I spent 10 years of my life in the 80s, so you can't blame me if the pop culture rubbed off a little. Despite the fact we all like to point and laugh at them now, I have to admit I've got a big soft spot for 80s hair bands. When it comes to hair bands, Warrant's hair is as puffy and pretty as all the rest. Plus they play music, and don't laugh, but it is just a little bit 'rocking out'-ish.

Speaking of dessert though, I think there is some left over apple crisp in the fridge. Excuse me.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Intermission

I have been entertaining you with hours and hours of delightful and enlightening words, but I haven't even thought to give you a bathroom or food break. So, since I am always about providing for the needs of my reader, I will now give you a much needed intermission.



Oh yes, the classic drive-in theatre cartoon that is practically begging you to throw down some money for overpriced snacks. I remember them very well during my younger days, though usually my family ignored the request and consumed smuggled popcorn instead. Though they failed to entice us to buy their goods (or at least my parents, as I'm sure I was more than willing to spend their money on the snacks), the tune did remain in my head for the next 20 or so years.

I do know one thing for sure, I would have pleaded even harder for my parents to buy treats if they had been grown on a magic mountain. I sure don't remember the concession stand looking like this. . .

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Top Ten Reasons for This Top 10 List

10. We live in the sound bite age, and what provides that better than a list of snappy sentences (note: please keep your fingers away from the sentences).

9. Somebody isn't following through on their 'time management promise' thus is in desprate need of cobbling together a blog post today.

8. Because the world demanded that I bring it back (note: I have irrefutable, sceintific data that proves my most popular posts are the top tens. Note: My previous statement is a bold faced lie).

7. That writing gig for Letterman didn't pan out, so I'm left with a lot of lousy 'Top Ten' material.

6. Ninja Nazi Dinosaur Llamas. Because it isn't an officialy Christopher Spicer top ten blog without some random mention of one of those things -- thus I combined them into the scariest, abomination ever!

5. Pirates. I forgot to add pirates up there.

4. Because a Top 9 list just seems odd, and a Top 11 list is a little overkill.

3. It's what the voices suggested, and I don't ignore the voices.

2. It was either this or my 'Ode to Leatherpants Wearing Grannies' poem. I am just not sure if the world is ready for that yet.

1. It's the little things that help us fight against the Man. (note: I have no earthly idea who this man is, or why top ten lists are an effective way to defeat him).

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Scariest Soft Rock Music Video Of All Time

I know heavy metal has this reputation of being scary to those who don't enjoy it. After all, their album covers often have exploding worlds or skeletons playing guitars or zombies making brain soup (note: a cover with a zombie making any kind of soup would be cool). The lyrics don't usually go on about puppies and roses and sunshine, but often tend to be closer to being on the dark and apocalyptic side of things. No disputing that heavy metal can seem a little scary or maybe even a tad evil. But one of the scariest and most disturbing music videos I've ever seen is not made by a heavy metal band, with a name like 'Burning Blood Skeleton Zombie Killer' (note: this band does not exist to my knowledge). The music video that gave me nightmares as a child and still haunts me to this day, is actually sung by a soft rock artist known as Bonnie Tyler. And if you want nightmares for the rest of your life, then watch this video.



Spooky! Just give me second while I go check my pants.

Alright, first of all, the video opens up with what is obviously a haunted mansion (or some type of building that contains a dark secret that will forever torment all who enter it or see it -- yeah, you are to be forever tormented now).

Then there is this poor dove that is trying to escape this house of the macabre, but can't because it has been lassoed by an invisible ghost rope (and it will assuredly be eaten by a witch or a rabid llama -- this is off screen though). (:16)

Then not only do we notice this haunted place is full of candles (which must mean there is a seance or the ghosts has knocked out the electricity), but it is a full moon, which we all know means indestructible and unstoppable evil (this is scientific fact). (:30)

And if you aren't scared yet, then possibly the most disturbing and frightening thing I've ever seen comes on screen. A man with demon eyes!!! I would never, ever invite that guy to my parties, or allow him in my house, even if it is already haunted. Sure, having a flashlight for eyes can be useful, but man, does that guy make we want to hide in my closet and cry. (:45)

Then, after demon eyes man comes. the ghosts get really pissed off and start throwing the doors wide up (and probably yell scary ghost words or maybe they're the back-up singers???). (:49)

Then out of nowhere, these men show up in the guest room, where they replaced the bed with a bunch of desks (which is scary in itself). Then they sit there while a giant ogre (also off screen) start to blow on them. Ogre breath is creepy. (:55)

Then some poor boy is having his back eaten alive by a giant eagle, which causes the boy to spit out doves (why was he eating doves? Maybe he was the off screen witch). (1:05)

Who wouldn't be disturbed by a bunch of naked men in your closet? And I might not be a fan of naked, goggle men, but I feel bad they are spit on by a gigantic hydra (off screen, again). (1:11)

And the ninjas. . . well, okay, ninjas are cool. But how did they get into the house? And when did this house turn into a church? (1:17)

When a bunch of people start dancing in the house/church hybrid, you might think peace has finally come. (1:56) But this only distracts you from the fact that ghosts are throwing your laundry out of the bedrooms. (2:50)

Then the ghosts tire of throwing laundry and starting tossing around naked men. Note to self, always stay clothed now, because ghost hate nakedness. (2:59)

Then the rabid llamas or the ogres or Glenn Beck (or some other hideous monsters) get hungry and want to eat poor Boonie Tyler, so she starts running for her life. (3:05) The ghosts start throwing open the doors again, so they can trap her or maybe throw laundry at her.

Who doesn't fear dinner guests that want to help clean up, but just make an even bigger mess? (3:09)

Then there is the fencer who sweats gold or maybe urine? I don't know a person alive who isn't afraid of a urine sweater. (3:22)

Then, in the scariest moment of this nightmare posing as a music video, we realize there isn't only one demon eyed man. There is an entire army, with the sole purpose of ruling the planet and eating us all alive. (3:29)

AND THEY CAN FLY!!!! (3:34)

I know for me, I never truly trust or feel comfortable with a man who can't button up his own shirt. (3:49)

At some point, this house/church/castle of the damned becomes a time machine and transports some dancing cavemen, who really like to show off their crotch. I tremble at the thought of caveman crotch. (3:51)

It starts to become clear that the giant eagle wasn't eating that boy, but was actually procreating with him (or what many like to term, rape). It has now spawned a nature destroying offspring, which obviously wants to devour poor Bonnie. (4:32)

Then the nightmare seems to be over. It is day time now, and we are at graduation, and all seems right with the world. Maybe it was all just a dream. Maybe we can still continue to love and have normal lives.

Then, the demon eyed man reveals himself and possesses the body of Bonnie Tyler. (5:32) And we now know, we are all truly doomed.

Yeah, that is definitely the scariest thing I've ever seen.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Don't You Hate It When I Have Short, Low On Content and Lacking in Substance Posts?

Isn't it awful?













Okay, come on, you had to see that coming. Anyway, today was another day that my blogging was sacreficed to the 'need to make mortgage payments' gods. They were very happy with my offerings. Though, once I get my time management skills down pat, I am pretty sure you will actually get 'substance' blogs even when I have full days of work. Now, the bigger question is, what is a post of substance from Christopher Spicer? That is something you can spend the evening contemplating. Get back to me when you think you have the answer. There'll be a quiz at 11.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Oh No, The World Is Going To Explode!!!

Or maybe not. That noise may have just been the scanner. It is really dark in this here cave. I think, I will leave it now and give my body some of the sweet, sweet, sweet nectar known as sleep.

Before I end this here very short post, I want to say my weekend rocked. I got to treat my super amazing mother to lunch. I had the pleasure of meeting an ultra awesome baby that just graced the world with her presence this past Saturday, and I am pretty sure, we're going to be best of friends (she kept sticking her tongue out at me and that is what best friends do, right?). I had a lovely Thai dinner with my wife on Sunday night. All in all, the weekend was a rocking one. My time in the office today, on the other hand, may not slip into awesome territory, but the fact it is now over does.

With that, I say -- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (that is me snoring).

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Hoping You Had the Mother of All Days

Because I'd have to say that my day was mighty fine. Though the initial plan was to take Summit on a delightful hike through Rattlesnake Point, we ended up neither hiking or rattlesnaking. Instead, we spent a lovely afternoon with some good friends, while being introduced to their brand new baby daughter. Even though she stuck her tongue out at me for most of the time I was holding her, I am pretty sure she thinks I am very cool.

It is late, and seems like a good time to call it day (though, it's more like night now). I hope everyone had a fantastic time and did something nice for their mothers (and if you're a mother, then hopefully nice acts were bestowed upon you). I actually did nothing for my mother today, but that is mainly because I took her out for lunch yesterday. The good vibes from that deed would have carried over into today, and she would have had pleasant feelings encompassing her for the entire day. Or she just spent the whole day wondering if I can properly read a calender.

Anyway, I hope it wass grand, and your day was probably better than poor Summit's, who was under the impression he was going for a hike but instead spent it in a stranger's backyard.

Saturday, May 08, 2010

The Epic Failure of a Sweeping Argument

Over the last few months, I've encountered one of the silliest and asinine statements from several usually highly intelligent people. The statement is never worded exactly the same, but the general sentence goes like this (with the help of some handy paraphrasing): "What I hate about the Liberal Left is that they will make broad and sweeping attacks against all Christians whenever a small group of Christians commit an atrocity, but when scientists outright lie than there is no sweeping attack against all scientists." Now, here is the game boys and girls, what makes this such an error ridden composition of words? Need a clue? I'll give you three reasons for its spectacular failure.

First of all, isn't it kind of funny that one would complain about sweeping attacks against a certain group by then making a very broad and sweeping accusation against another group? I personally don't see wisdom of criticizing a certain action, but then committing the exact same wrong. This statement is presupposing that every single liberal enjoys leveling attacks against Christians, and then, allows a bunch of evil scientists to make up lies in order to further the destruction of mankind. Okay, maybe I jumped a few steps, but I enjoyed making the visual picture of crazy haired mad scientists creating a 47 foot death ray to cause an Earth explodination (unless of course, the world gave in to their demand for. . . One Million Dollars! Muhahahaha). Despite my own flare for the dramatic, the reality is, a broad and sweeping argument/attack is almost never a wise or accurate one. That is even if it against those nasty, puppy eating Conservative Rights.

This directly leads to my second problem with this statement, which is the very huge assumption it makes. It is assuming that a Liberal person cannot be a Christian, and that a lot of science is very anti-Christian. I do know there is some groups of very conservative, evangelical Christians in North America that claim that liberals are causing the decay and destruction to morality and all that is right. I recognize that for some people who consider themselves Christian that some liberal views are directly opposed to what they believe are Christian values. The reality is, a liberal can be a Christian, just as much as a conservative can be an atheist. It seems extremely presumptuous for one to believe two views have to be opposing for everyone just because they seem to be for one's self.

Actually, there is probably a pretty fair argument that the 'founder' of the Christian movement could be considered a liberal (or at least have some views that are commonly associated with the liberal side). Jesus often talked about caring for the poor or making sure needs were met for the under privileged. This fact almost makes you think he would have been in favour of welfare or socialist like programs. He definitely showed signs of being progressive or at least, conflicting with the more traditional Pharisees. Plus Jesus often seemed to spend a lot of his time with groups that were looked down upon in the society such as women or harlots or tax collectors (which is so different from today, where everyone loves the people who take our tax money). I am not trying to create my own blanket statement by stating that all conservatives today are violently against gays or 'pro-choicers' but do you think Jesus would really waste his time trying to promote laws that limit these groups rights? I recognize some of these statement may be seen as controversial (okay, probably just the last), but my point is that Jesus could possibly have views that fit under a liberal banner, then it seems rather silly to claim a Christian couldn't be one.

The notion of science being in opposition against Christianity (or any form of religion) is the most ridiculous argument. I understand it is a belief that is held by both sides, especially in relation to the Evolution versus Creation debate. The reality is, it isn't a belief that is actually grounded in fact. Science and religion have got along for centuries. Actually, originally most 'scientists' were ordained ministers who wanted to learn more about the world around them and believed these discoveries would allow them to grow even closer to God. A fact that is often ignored today, many of the first major advances in science were brought forth by Muslims, and these religious men felt that the progression of science was a key part of their beliefs. Something that is rarely mentioned by most groups today, most Christians had no problem incorporating evolutionary biology into their faith, but rather just believed God was the catalyst who started it. Even though there seems to be friction between science and religion today, it is important to note that science and religion has been very harmonious in the past, and many religious people have promoted and aided in the progression of it.

The final reason I dislike and disprove of the original statement, is that it victimizes a clearly majority group. There seems to have been a trend in the last many years that a few people from large, majority groups have taken to making themselves seem like the victimized minority. I've heard a few Christian groups who have complained how the government is favouring gays thus destroying apparently important values for Christians. Or that the country is compromising the faith of Christianity in order to appease other religions. The problem is that while these few individuals try to make it seem like everyone is out to destroy their way of life, they seem to neglect the important fact that they are still the majority of North America. Compared to the 1950s there may seem to be a lot less individuals who are Christians, but there is no disputing that there are still way more people who would consider themselves some form of Christian compared to any other form of belief. Though it may help persuade some people to give sympathy when playing the poor victim card, it contradicts the simple fact that this is still a society that works with a predominantly Christian mindset. It just like the small group of white males that complain there aren’t any jobs or opportunities for them, because everything is being handed to minorities. I can totally see what they are talking about, look at all the CEOs of large corporations or look at the Parliament or even just watch TV for an evening, because it is so hard to be able to find a white male in any of those positions. The victimization game might seem fun, but it doesn't really work when one holds all the powerful positions in the country or have laws that they had implemented and put forth.

Now, did I end up committing the same mistakes and fallacies that I levied against the mysterious owners of the dissected statement? I do want to make it clear that I do not think most Christians believe the above statement nor do they see themselves as victims. Rather this is a statement that is put forth by a very vocal minority. I feel it has been yelled enough that some have started to believe this is how many Christians feel. Or even worse, it has started making some believe this statement has some value and truth. Hopefully, I showed why this statement and beliefs like this belong in the category of epic failure.

Friday, May 07, 2010

It's Alive! It's Alive!

Okay, I promise for 'realsies' that my blog will not resort to being a continual dumping ground for embedded videos, animal pictures and 3 sentence posts. I do have some rant-a-licious posts in store, but I just haven't had the energy to unleash my thoughts into typed form recently. It's been a long week at work, and when I am writing, I've been trying to focus on the kind that leads to a little thing known as money. Money is really great, it pays for mortgages, bills and cheese.

Speaking of things that are great, blue sentient blobs that are going to devour the entire world are pretty great. Don't believe me? Watch this video, it is coolio.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

It's Thursday!

Not sure if you know, but that is exactly what my calendar is telling me. For the record, in about seven days, it will probably be Thursday again. But the best part is, tomorrow will be Friday. I mainly like that because usually Saturday follows right behind him (or her? -- what sex is a day?). What is not so good about it being Friday tomorrow, is that I'll be needing to get up at 5 am. Why am I still up when I need to drag myself out of bed at such an early hour? Well, if I wasn't up, who would be telling you what day it is?

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Wednesday Night Wonderings

Is lipstick and a wig really enough to make a rabbit seem like a sexy lady friend? I mean, Bugs Bunny slips into one of those cute little numbers and Yosemite Sam is all 'Yowzers!!!', but he knows it's still a rabbit, right? I mean, there would still be fur on the face and a rather rabbit looking nose. Should I try this on Sworley?

Yeah, it's late and been a long work day.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

The Newest Addition to the Spicer Household. . .

Is not a baby. Just making sure you are paying attention now. But we actually have increased our numbers from 4 to 5, but it will not be a permanent addition. This member will be packing his bags at the end of the month. Well, he probably won't have any bags to pack, because, well, he is a rabbit and rabbits tend to carry light enough to avoid the need for bags. It isn't like their rats, those things hoard everything (and need to carry it everywhere with them).

I don't have a picture to post, but you'll have to believe me, he is a rabbit. He is very cute. He is named Swarley (rather than Swirley, because apparently, the owner didn't want to name a rabbit after someone getting their head shoved into a flushing toilet -- I know, why wouldn't you?). And Summit wants to be his best friend. Summit spent most of the day looking down at the cage and whining. I am pretty sure that is due to the fact the rabbit can't play with him if he is inside the cage. That, and Summit is a suck.

Monday, May 03, 2010

The One Thing That I Absolutely Know For Sure Without Any Doubt

Tiffany's metoric 1987 rise to fame had nothing to do with her music video.



For people who want to pull the 'hey, it is old' card, I want to remind you that the Thriller music video came out in 1983, and did avoid looking like my Uncle Bob's home videos. Actually, I am pretty sure my family's home videos had higher production values. Who would have thought a Pop Tart completely manufactured for the 'MTV Generation' produced something that wasn't MTV friendly.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

I Just Wish People Would Be Honest About Their Zombie Bites

Who said humour sites like Cracked can not be informative and helpful? This instructional and educational video helps all know the dangers of group think and peer pressure. More importantly, it really lets one know why our parents told us to tell the truth. Listen kids, don't conceal zombie bites, because it will only turn everybody you love into zombies. Yeah, an extreme hunger for brains and looking like death might seem really cool at first, but it just is not any way to live your days, weeks and years. Trust me, I know what I am talking about, because I once lived in Slum House. The events of this video probably happened every other day there. Surprisingly, Polysporin doesn't clear it up as well as you'd think, so it is probably just better to avoid the bites altogether.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

MSG Is Hounding Me

Today would be one that could be deemed very successful.

I successfully got out of bed without tripping or banging my head.

I successfully dressed myself rather than committing any accidental acts of streaking (neighbours and small children don't seem to appreciate Human Yeti sightings).

I successfully gorged upon a 'Royal Feast' of (Canadian) Chinese food at lunch, to the point where I was able to avoid needing dinner.

I successfully achieved a way to not have to do laundry at my parent's house much longer(black magic???)

I successfully assembled a compost bin in my backyard, which may not seem that impressive but then you don't know my 'handy man' skills. Sure Emily constructed a shed from scratch but at least my contribution took 10 minutes rather than 10 months.

I successfully annoyed my wife with the above statement (or so I assume).

I successfully hit a birdie over my fence, which lead to a lovely conversation with a lady.

I successfully (I think) scared the above mentioned ESL lady, but was still able to get her to retrieve an item that was lobbed over her fence (though, not the previously mentioned birdie).

I successfully lived a very wonderful and pleasant Saturday.

Despite all these successes, I feel the vile and evil MSG pound away on my poor, little body. Maybe that fifth plate of Chinese food wasn't necessary???